Saturday, January 27, 2007

Dream Jobs

When I don't write, it's often because I'm feeling scattered and unable to concentrate. I've been in that position for a couple of weeks now. So we're just going to push through because today's sermon is important!

I was talking to Ann the other day, and it turns out that I've got a couple jobs that I would prefer to the one I've got now:

The guy with the sledgehammer: There's a house near where Ann lives that got boarded up and condemned. Turns out that it was bubonic plauge or something, I don't know. Recently somebody with a hammer removed the boards. And the stucco. And whatever else was busy hanging off the studs. That sounds like a totally awesome job (assuming a house that is not stuffed full of plague).

Breaking a house! With a hammer! It's like picking a scab but so much bigger! Also, I'm pretty sure that leveling a house with only crude tools and your fury makes you feel much mightier than picking a scab. Job satisfaction!

Orchid farmer, somewhere in Hawaii: Other than rock star, can you think of anything better? Oh wait, I can:

First Mate on a Robot Boat (the boat also flies): Gonna take a world tour with the rich and the famous and the pretty, and my job is to MINGLE. And push the button that starts the LASER LIGHT SHOW. I could give my two weeks' notice right now if that job was open.

This is a decent start, but I must have missed some good jobs. If you remember any that I forgot, you can remind me in the comments.

Today's bonus: Indexed shows how you can explain human truth through Venn Diagrams. OMG I JUST FELL ASLEEP you said, but you're wrong. It's funny. Go visit!


At 9:02 AM, Anonymous Ann said...

There is always Philanthropist which tops my list. Getting paid to give people money who deserve it? I'll take 2.

At 12:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've always wanted to be an heir.

At 10:59 AM, Anonymous Cathy said...

How about "nipple tweaker"?

You get to play with models' boobs all day long.

At 1:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot monkey wrangler!

You also forgot to hyphenate ro-bot.

For shame.

At 10:34 PM, Blogger Julie said...


You probably mostly feel empty inside, but it sounds good.

At 11:16 AM, Anonymous Cathy said...

You could always apply for a job as a Player Hater.

That way, when someone says to you, "don't be hatin'," you could be like, "It's my job to hate, yo'. It's what I do. Don't hate the hatahz."

At 11:17 AM, Anonymous Cathy said...

I also want to remind you that I like kitties.


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