Saturday, February 10, 2007


My work lately has grown to consume my time and my ability to cope. I've started to think that I just plain don't like it. It's a big challenge, and I think it's important for me to do well. On the other hand, I really dislike the near-constant state of panic, and it takes its toll on me.

1) I want to take this job and win, to beat it at its own game, before I move on.
1a) But what if I'm not suited to it? What if it's just a mismatch?
1b) But does good fit really matter? We're all changing all the time; can't I change to fit this better?
2) If I want to save the world, why haven't I been serious about taking any steps?
3) And where's the fun? Where did all of that go?
3a) Saving the world seems grim, not fun.

I'm in a lull. Only Bono can save me now.


At 6:18 PM, Anonymous Anter said...

My job rocks.

I am even further along in my goal to reach Jewish heaven - I now have 2 successful matchups in MN.

When are you moving?

At 8:11 AM, Anonymous Who the fuck do you think? said...

Here's a point by point QA session that answers your rhetorical and/or life changing questions.

1) Job isn't playing a game. You do it, you get paid. Since you don't give a fuck about the end result of your actions (i.e. LN gets stronger, smarter, and more aggressive), you aren't going to win. Or lose. Or draw.

1a) Is this a dating service? Maybe you shouldn't have put Divorced White Jewish Gay Female Anteater in your profile.

1b) Why should you change to fit the job? The job isn't ready to eat broken glass because it hates going to YOU every day. Find one you like better. Commit a selfish act. Oh God!

2) Because you haven't decided what to save it from.

3) Bloomington, Indiana. I have it here with your sense of humor. I'll trade you for a baby head.

3a) Yet ending the world sounds like great fun. Go figure.

You don't owe the world bank any money. Bono spits on you and shamrocks grow out of the wound.

At 9:18 PM, Anonymous cathy said...

1) It's human nature to not want to give up. So I get where you're coming from. But there's a lot to be said for losing gracefully.

It's like... imagine you're a gambling addict. And you've just lost half your week's earnings at the slot machine. You could tell yourself you're going to win, and blow the rest of your money on the slots. Or you could leave. You won't have won at slots, but you will have won the "I didn't lose all my money" game.

1a) You remember those lame-ass career assessment surveys they gave to us in high school? I think they told me I should be an accountant, or something likewise lame and thoroughly unsuited to me. And they probably paid some service hundreds of dollars to get that information, too.

Anyway... I'm not trying to make a point, or follow that up with anything clever, or somehow relate it to your situation. I just thought those things were kinda lame is all.

1b) What do you think you are, Kirby? That you can suck up whatever they feed you and become it?

Compromise is one thing. If the extent of your troubles was that your boss wanted you to learn StarOffice because they were too cheap to spot for real software, then, yes, I would tell you to stop whining and adapt. But betraying yourself to serve someone else's purposes is well beyond what one could consider "compromise."

2) That's because you don't really want to save the world -- you want to rule it.

And I certainly don't blame you.

3) The fun? You left it at your parents' house, no doubt collecting dust on a shelf, dumbass.

Don't cry to us about how you abandoned your Wii.

3a) That's because the world hasn't given you any reason to save it. The world is kind of a dick that way.

At 9:18 PM, Blogger Julie said...

Wait, what, screw your existential crisis, you have a fucking WII? Asshole.

p.s. you will get eaten by Bono

At 10:32 AM, Anonymous Cathy said...

My name is a killing word!

At 11:53 AM, Blogger Julie said...

You still haven't answered me: do you really have a Wii?

1. This is normal. Most people don't start something thinking, "Hell yes, I want to fail, or at least do a subpar job!"
1a. That's life. Nothing's perfect. Do your best, and beyond that, learn to let go.
1b. Yes, a good fit matters. No one can do everything. You're better at some things than others. Invariably you will end up doing something that is not one of your better things. Do your best so you don't let youself down, and move on.

2. Because you, personally, cannot save the world. I'd suggest you work on bettering your immediate surroundings. Much easier to get involved with, and much easier to make an impact that way.

3. Fuck if I know.
3a. It kind of is. See Point 2.


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