Verbal Altercation

The date: Today, April 1st, 2007
The place: Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, California
The aggressor: Some dipshit bird

The story: So I'm skating through the park, and I stop for a rest by this really nice little pond (I guess they race remote-control boats there sometimes). This seagull is standing on the edge of the water and he just starts LOOKIN at me, you know, and he's got this LOOK in his eye like "OH YEAH YOU DON'T KNOW WHOSE TURF YOU STEPPIN ON" and I just look back cool as ice because I know if we get into it he's gonna be all lit up like Joan of Arc on Bastille Day you know I'm basically pretty confident.

So there's this moment and it's stretching out real long you know and this seagull ruffles his neck up a little and he fixes me with his beady little eye and says to me "WARRRRRRRRRK" and I'm all OH YEAH? and he's all "WARRRRK!" and I'm all PROVE IT and he's all "WAAA-AAARRRK" and I'm all YOU WANNA THROW DOWN SON OR WHAT IS IT THEN and he clearly was not prepared to go webbed foot-to toe with me oiled-up greco-roman style and so he just slides off into the water and makes for the center of the pond. So I go right over to where he was standing before and I'm all OH YEAH YOU BETTER RUN.

The winner: ME.

OHHHH, YEAHHHHH!